Friday, Apr. 08, 2011 at 11:52 p.m.
the faceless stranger (about),
i've tried my very best to let him out of my system. i held my self back from every email i wanted to send. i did it. i would think of him every now and then, but never did i do anything about it. i felt on top of the world for keeping my word. but in the back of my head i was always waiting for him to tell me he misses me.
first i got a wisdom-full forward and a little msg saying something along the lines that he thought i might have liked it. i didn't, and i didn't reply to his email. he doesn't always reply, why should i? ignore i did. if i was on top of the world, i was in space after this. yesterday night, in a dungy 24 hour lab in one of the dungiest buildings on campus, at around 5:38pm, hating the world for econometrics and stupid programs with supposedly catchy names - shazam. i only saw it at 6:00pm. he said them, he said those three words. he told me he misses me. i had a dumb grin on my face. i was going to ignore it. i closed the window, i couldn't shake it out of my head. i was grinning like a retard. the email read: on a rooftop, beautiful view, thought of you and smiled... i miss you
my mom just got back from london. i decided to tell him i am going to be there in two weeks time. he immediately e-mailed me back asking for my number, which i thought he had. i gave it to him. i was heading to the library, he called me. we spoke for an hour. about random stuff. i was in hobo mood that day, and did not fail to look like a hobo. i love when a persons mood is portrayed on his face and in the colors s/he wears. anyhow, of course he remembered everything we've ever spoken about, even how we discussed names we like - to name children and the such. do you know that i do not know his full name? i only know he goes by M S. i always have this fear that he's going to die, and i'll never know even if i read the papers, because i don't know his name. he refused to tell me, i got super angry, even though we were having an hour+ of a pointless conversation, how he's into butts, and likes - as well as is disappointed - that he is a faceless stranger to me. told me he's gonna grab my ass when he seems me - he's into butts, don't ask - and that way i'll know its him. i'll know him in a crowd from his boyish laugh. anyhow, i got angry and felt like i can no longer go on with our relaxed and pointless conversation, i said bye, didn't wait for his, and hung up. i felt bad and wasn't in the mood to do jack-shit. yeah, jack-shit with all his hotness, i didn't want to do him. yay for asexuality- perhaps astudyality (do you get it, do you get it??). i emailed him, and said maybe i overreacted but he doesn't understand how much it bothers me. i love his voice, its so boyish. not manish. he emailed me back telling me he was spooning some girl. i told him he should come over for a cuddle. he said i was too far for just a cuddle. fucker. anyhow, i am not interested in him in that way. can't be anyways, he's faceless.
i started writing this to you as soon as all of this happened. but i never finished it. google told me it's houdini's bday today. i wished my brother a happy birthday. there came a time he was fascinated by houdini. he's still texting me - i don't think he got it even though i told him to go to google.com.
parents are extremely unreliable, you probably knew that way before i did. but now, i confirm. i think probably should be spelt with a double ll. its just cooler.
i want to grow old with you by my side, and forever in my heart
with rainbows and fluttering butterflies,
your prude.