It is true, I liked the casualness of our relationship, or whatever you'd like to call it.
To me honesty, trust, and a good time with someone i can learn and laugh with mean more than labels and clich� acts that come with labels. Not that we were anywhere near there, but I did have feelings for him at one point.

We�re back to talking and being friends. This made me realize why and what I really liked about him from the beginning, and yes, he seems to be worth keeping around. I appreciate our friendship, and it does mean something to me.

When I said I wish I didn�t him a chance, what I meant is I wish I gave him a chance earlier. I liked the way he unwrapped and how slowly but gradually I was getting to know him underneath his silent ways. I don�t know why, but at one point I genuinely didn�t think we�d even stand each other or that I would like him as much as I came too.
I liked the fact that every night I spent with him I learnt something new about him. Whether it was something personal about him, a preference or an idea, I liked that there actually was something to learn every time, something he told me.
Not asking questions is something I came to appreciate from msak, a faceless stranger that can make my heart race.

Now that we�re back to being friends, and having had hung out just yesterday night, I still enjoy that about him.

I am known to be �anxiety girl� to him, and secretly, to myself as well. Especially when it comes to someone I care about in one way or another. I get scared? I don�t know what it is, but I�ve done it to myself 3 times so far, and hopefully, no longer counting.

I know I would trust him with the ten children I may, or may never have, I know I could go to him if I needed straight up advice on something, and he wouldn�t sugar coat what he thinks. I don�t want to start this sentence with a but, it�s just not knowing where he stands on things, or how he feels or has ever felt, if anything, its strange. It�s almost like I don�t know where I stand; can I say what I want? Are you judging me? Had he been just another person in my life, or an acquaintance, I really wouldn�t care, I never care about things like this, especially when they�re just from people. With him, even as a friend that I have nothing but respect and admiration for, I care.
I am not saying that I was ever in love with this man, no, I never was. I can easily say I have never been in love, not yet at least.

He never says anything hurtful, but sometimes when he says things, I don�t know how to take them, or if I should take them in anyway.

It�s hard being around someone when you don�t really know how they feel about you. You know they appreciate your friendship, and want you around, for they�re not the type to stick around if they didn�t feel that way. But still this whole �actions speak louder than words� I don�t get it, and I don�t agree with it at all. I verbally want to know, then that way I wouldn�t take what he says when he does say something so� directly.

It�s like when you�re out with someone on a first date, and then they say something like you�re so dumb, and you don�t care yet because you�re still getting to know them, but there�s always this thing that makes you wonder, since you don�t really know what they think of you yet, did they mean that? Is that what they really think of me? But in all honesty it could just be a passing thing like when you say things like �you�re such an ass/you�re such an idiot, can�t believe you did that/dumass/asshole!� Does anyone know what I mean? Am I making sense? Please say something.
By feelings I don�t mean the whole mushy-gusy lovey-dovey stuff, I mean perception, impression, outlook, perspective, what you really think of a person as a person. Those type of feelings. I can never get those things out with him, this in return makes me keep my guard up� can I be stupid around you? Or will that just add to how stupid you already think I am? Is anyone understanding me?

Now I don�t know if it�s actually what I felt and said previously about it being his ability to care, because he brought to my attention that he does reciprocate care and appreciation�